i dont want to

(as much as i want to remember
i also want to forget because)
i dont want to collect new memories because
im only gonna seek past in the present
and i dont want to converse with the echo of my voice
and i dont want my pen to run out of ink but
i also dont want to see faces in every word that i transcribe
because these words will just turn into nothing but eulogies
i dont want to hear my knees stutter and i dont want to sink beneath my feet
and i dont want flames dancing in the fire pit because itll just
remind me of how summer misses rain
i dont want to fight civil wars in bed
i dont want to pray to the moon for the sun to rise up sooner
and i dont want to watch myself become a lump of melted candle
nothing to entertain myself with but the wallpapers
running away from its walls along the screeching of the clock

©2019, Quiyet Brul

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